Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
