I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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