Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
