OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
