Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
