cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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