Capitaan dildo arrescate!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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