just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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