whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Those nachos came to me in a dream
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
