too bad you live with your parents still
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
is that a dick in a sweater?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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