my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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