She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
