Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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