dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
