Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
sarcasm needs its own font
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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