This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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