A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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