I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
