Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't put those talents on a resume
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
