You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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