I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
