you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When did angry sex become our thing?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
