Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
