Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
this is an emotional support booty call
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
