so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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