Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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