i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
