I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
