best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
