You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
