I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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