I am puke
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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