oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
