Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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