i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
