Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
