Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
