Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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