there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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