I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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