I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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