I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
