just come out here and I will go home with you...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
two words...techno handjob
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
