This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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