1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
