I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
