Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
