I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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