Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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