how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
