note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
